


at dusk, you will find me

by artenon



Series: let's meet again in the next life [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene, Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts III
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 08:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artenon/pseuds/artenon
Summary: Saïx knows he might not get another chance at life after this. But with the time he has left, he’ll keep Xion safe until she can be with her best friends again.





	at dusk, you will find me

**Author's Note:**

> hello would anyone like to partake in my saix-loving juice i have PLENTY.
> 
> lmao this was supposed to be a one-scene fic expanding on the headcanon i touched upon in my [previous fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17805038) about saix promising to help xion while they were both in the "real" organization. it got... slightly longer than intended. and i spent more time deliberating about the logistics of various plot things than i wanted to, but HERE WE ARE.
> 
> thank you to [kimmi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmagoesblep) and [cai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacktreecle) for reading over for plot sensibility/canon compliance, and [sarah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailurea) for the general beta!!

So Xion had a heart after all.

Saïx wasn’t surprised to hear it; he’d suspected as much, even if he hadn’t known how or why. And it did finally explain why Roxas and Lea had forgotten her after she’d disappeared. Their hearts had been connected to hers, and when her heart had gone into Sora’s, it’d fallen into slumber, locking away the memories of those who’d called her a friend.

That was Vexen’s theory, in any case, after Saïx filled him in on everything that had happened in the time he’d been gone. Given that he was the expert on hearts and memories, Saïx was inclined to believe him.

“Still,” Vexen said, “my Riku replica was one thing, but it’s remarkable that Xion was able to begin developing her own heart without any implanted memories to guide her emotional growth.”

“I believe she owes thanks to Sora and Roxas for that,” Saïx said. “As many do.”

Vexen had figured that out, too. They Nobodies may be born without hearts, but it wasn’t long before their bodies tried to produce a replacement. But without proper nurturing, that fledgling heart would only ever be a shadow of what it once was. Xemnas must have known this. He’d known this and he’d lied and made sure they in the Organization only knew darkness.

If Saïx had still had his whole heart and been capable of the full depth and range of emotion, he would have screamed when Vexen told him. How desperately he’d longed to be complete again, and his salvation had been within him all this time.

It must have been Roxas’s presence that nurtured Lea’s new heart when he’d been the Nobody Axel. Even if Lea was himself again, in his original body with his original heart, there must have been some transference, because he hadn’t forgotten Roxas and how important he was to him. And, somewhere in the depths of his heart, he hadn’t forgotten Xion either.

Saïx couldn’t help but wonder, if he’d spent time with Roxas and gotten to know him, would his heart have blossomed, too? Or had he been steeped too far in darkness?

Saïx didn’t know. He knew only how to injure hearts; nurturing them eluded him.

Still, he’d had his heart again, for just a brief time. There was one emotion he clung to, in whatever form of heart he had now.

That longing for penance.

He knew Vexen longed for it, too.

Vexen crossed his arms. “So the Keyblade warriors intend to fight? Even knowing that’s what Xehanort wants?”

“Yes. And they’re going to need all the support they can get.” Saïx glanced at the castle, where he knew Ienzo, Aeleus, and Dilan were working inside. “More than you can give by staying here.”

“You need my replicas,” Vexen said.

Saïx nodded. He didn’t need to elaborate on the dangers, or warn him that he would be throwing away his second chance at life; Vexen knew all that, and still he met Saïx’s gaze unflinching.

“Tell me what I need to do.”

 

* * *

 

 

With Vexen at his back, convincing Xemnas that they needed to recreate Xion was almost too easy. They needed more vessels, and they couldn’t use empty replicas. The Organization computers already had Xion’s data stored and ready. Controlling her wouldn’t be an issue; without her heart and memories, there was no reason that she would stray off course. Vexen played his role of the cold-hearted, research-obsessed scientist well.

Then it was Saïx’s turn, and he had to figure out a way to convey to Xion everything she needed to know without arousing suspicion.

He needn’t have worried. Vexen played his role well, but Saïx had been playing his—the ruthless and efficient right hand—for much longer.

Xemnas sent Xion straight to him, along with the simple order that he would be in charge of her until the coming battle.

Saïx looked at her. She appeared exactly as he remembered her—hood drawn, features obscured. A blank puppet.

He wondered how Lea and Roxas had perceived her; he wondered if he would ever see it for himself.

Did he see her the way he did now because she lacked her heart and memories, or was the problem within Saïx himself? He’d never been able to look past the fact that she was a replica before, but he knew better now.

He wanted to believe that he knew better.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hello,” she said, her voice soft. “Saïx.”

Her voice, too, was familiar, and he sighed. There was so much he could say. But most of it she wouldn’t comprehend in her current state, and besides, his old jealousy benefited no one.

“Xion,” he said.

“Yes?”

He put his hand on her shoulder, looked where her face would be were the shadows of her hood not impenetrable. “Xemnas intends to use us both. But I won’t let him use you.”

Xion was quiet for a moment. “Xemnas said… that I would have to fight,” she said. “Not today, but soon. And that when I did… I would fulfill my great destiny.”

“His destiny. Or what he’s forcing it to be. Not yours. Yours is…” Far from the battlefield. “On a clocktower,” he said. “With your best friends.”

“Best friends?”

“You’ll understand,” he said. “I promise. Will you trust me?”

“Okay,” she said.

“So easily?” His lips quirked. “How do I know Xemnas didn’t ask you to spy on me?”

“Well… You’re nice,” she said. “Xemnas isn’t nice.”

Saïx huffed. It was almost a laugh. “No, he’s not very nice, is he?”

“But why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because…” Saïx rubbed the top of her hooded head. “There are people who miss you very much, and I want you to meet them again.”

Xion lifted a hand and touched the top of her head where Saïx had just rubbed. “My best friends?”

Something in his chest twinged at her words.

“Yes,” he said. “Your best friends.”

 

* * *

 

 

After the first day, Xion hardly spoke. Saïx wasn’t too put off by it; both she and Roxas had been fairly quiet their first couple weeks in the Organization, likely due to their lack of memories to inform their identities.

They didn’t do much in the weeks that followed. Saïx tasked Vexen with getting a replica to Ienzo and the others at Radiant Garden for Roxas. They’d need another for Naminé, but Saïx knew better than to rush and make a careless mistake. For now, best to make sure another Keyblade wielder would be able to join the fight.

Meanwhile, Saïx sparred with Xion and made sure she could fight with her replicated Keyblade. It was going well, until one day Xion said, “Can I try fighting with your weapon?”

Saïx frowned at her. “Why?”

She shrugged, quiet and unemotive as usual. Saïx figured it’d been a spur of the moment thought that she would now drop, but then she said, “It looks cool when you fight.”

Saïx blinked. “I’m… not sure that’s a good idea”

Vexen laughed. He was watching, as he often had been lately, under the pretense of making sure Xion didn’t “break” again.

“Why not?” he said. “It’ll be interesting to see if she can wield different weapons effectively.”

And so he replicated Saïx’s claymore, heedless of the fact that it was as large as Xion herself.

“Oh,” she said, holding it with both hands. “It’s heavy.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Saïx asked.

Xion hesitated for only a beat before she swung the claymore behind her, one hand wrapped tight around the hilt, mimicking Saïx’s battle stance.

“Bring it,” she said, and there was a spark in her voice that Saïx hadn’t heard until now.

Well. He had to admire her tenacity.

 

* * *

 

 

“Xemnas said we have to fight tomorrow,” Xion said.

“Yes,” Saïx said.

“Will things really be okay?”

That was a loaded question.

“I will get you out of here,” he said. “I promise.”

That much, Saïx would make certain. But what came after, the battle against Xehanort? He had no idea whether the Guardians of Light would succeed. As for whether Saïx himself would make it out of the battle whole, he was even less certain.

But at the very least, he would see to it that Lea, Roxas, and Xion were reunited again. With his dying breath, if he had to.

“Come on,” he said. “I want to show you something.”

He opened a dark portal and led her to Twilight Town, to the clocktower where he knew the three of them had always gone after their missions. It’d been him and Lea who had discovered the spot in the first place, years ago, not all that long after they’d become Nobodies.

But the clocktower hadn’t been his and Lea’s place in a very long time now. Not since Saïx had started rising the ranks and Xemnas had carved the recusant’s sigil into his face. Xemnas’s trust had been hard-earned, and it was a long time before Saïx could go anywhere without feeling paranoid that Xemnas was tracking his every movement.

But by that time, it’d been too late to go back.

“You and your friends would always come here,” Saïx said, glancing at Xion. “You won’t remember it yet, but—wait.” He lowered his voice to a hush and raised an arm to stop her.

Someone else was there.

“Who’s that?” Xion whispered.

Lea. Of course he’d be here. He, too, knew the battle was coming tomorrow. Where else would he go on such a day? There was no one left for him at Radiant Garden.

Lea was holding three ice creams. Saïx inhaled, sharp. Was it possible he remembered?

No. Xion’s heart still slept in Sora. To anyone looking at her now, she was still just a hooded figure with a shadowed face. But no matter how tightly Lea’s memories were locked, it must be impossible for him to completely forget someone so dear to him.

That was good. Proof Xion existed. Proof she could be saved.

Saïx wasn’t sure he would be so lucky, though. Could he really come back again? There must be a point where body and heart couldn’t handle being ripped apart again.

This might be his last chance to say goodbye.

As if he could just say it. If anyone, even Lea, knew that Saïx was still working behind Xemnas’s back, it wasn’t just Vexen and himself who would be in danger. Xion would be the first one under fire.

But still, if he could talk to him just one more time…

Saïx squeezed Xion’s shoulder. “Stay here. Don’t show yourself.”

He emerged from the dark corridor and stepped into view, barb ready on his tongue.

“Shouldn’t you say goodbye to your _real_ home?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Who was that?” Xion asked.

Saïx walked briskly through the dark corridor and didn’t look at her.

“Your friend. You’ll see him again soon.”

“Will I have to fight him?”

Saïx stopped. He glanced about, but he didn’t sense anyone else around.

This might actually be the safest place for this conversation.

“You may have to fight him,” he said, looking at her. “Listen, Xion. Tomorrow, don’t hold back, or Xemnas may discover our ruse. Don’t worry; your friends can handle a fight.

“That said… That said, if I berserk tomorrow, then _I_ might not be able to hold back. If we fight that man you just saw, Lea, and if I berserk, I need you to promise me you won’t let me kill him.”

Xion tilted her head. “I promise. But I don’t think it’ll come to that.”

“Really?” he said. “And why not?”

“You care about him,” Xion said. “So I don’t think you’ll hurt him. Even if you’re berserked.”

Saïx closed his eyes. Xion really overestimated the strength of even his human heart. And the fledgling one he had now would surely be of no help tomorrow under the weight of Xehanort’s oppressive darkness.

It ached at her words, though.

“Let’s go back, before we’re missed.” He opened his eyes and started walking again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t show you the sunset, but you’ll be back up there soon, I’m sure.”

“With my best friends, right?”

“Yes.”

“What about you?”

“Pardon?”

“Will you be there?”

Saïx swallowed. “I’m not…”

“My friend?” Xion said. “But you’re nice to me. You’re helping me.”

Saïx was certain she would think differently once she had her memories back and she remembered how he’d treated her before. But just for a moment, he allowed himself to indulge in the fantasy: himself, there on the tower, beside Lea and Roxas and Xion.

Surely it could never be more than a fantasy.

“Saïx?” Xion said.

He rubbed the top of her head. It was still hooded, but not for long, he hoped.

“I don’t know if I can be there,” he said quietly. “But I would like to very much.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!
> 
> / [twitter](https://twitter.com/qorktree)


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